Remember when you were in high school and/or college and living the life of being in absolute love with a boy/girl. Things were going well. And then suddenly, without any warning, it ended. Sometimes you expected it but a lot of times it came to such an abrupt halt that it left you with an almost whiplash-effect. Remember the hurt, the questions, the not-knowing as to what happened. Those were the worst.
Or so you thought…
The worst is when this happens to a friendship. Everything is going well. You are part of each other’s lives. You share so much. It’s like the sister you never had. Or the brother. And then unbeknownst to you, it stops. No warning. No fight or argument. No drifting apart or giving you time to get used to it. Just STOP! Like an accidental death. END!
Apart from the pain, hurt and sometimes even anger, the thing that makes it so hard is that you don’t know why. You replay the last couple of chats you had, reread the last month or so’s messages; trying to find the “where did it go wrong?” and/or “where did I f… up?”. But there is no answer to your questions and you’re left with “It’s me. It’s my fault. I must be…” (insert all self-invalidations you can come up with here.) And all you can come up with is, WTAF!?!?
Don’t be that friend!
It’s happened to all of us at some point or another. And if it hasn’t happened to you, then you might just have left someone else in the dark, feeling like this.
Yes, I don’t sugar coat things and I’ll be damn honest with you if you’ve peed me off or upset/hurt me and I’ll tell you. Why? Because the bond means more to me than just letting it fizzle away. I’ll fight for the relationship cause that’s how I am. And yes, when I’ve had my say and have tried to resolve and mend it; yet see it’s not going anywhere, then I’ll cut my losses and move on, even if it is with a broken heart. But at least you’ll be on the other end knowing exactly what happened.
I get that people grow out of each other’s company or life; or that they move on for whatever reason, which is fine if at least done in a proper way. A proper way so that both parties know where they stand and why they are standing at that threshold of a new beginning. What I don’t get and
don’t like hate; is when you don’t know the reasons. It’s like reading a 700-page novel and then the last chapter has been eaten up by the dog and you wonder what happened.
Don’t be that friend!!
Puck up the courage and tell them. Don’t just leave them with a mystery. If you can’t do it by talking, then write a mail. Gawd, send smoke signals if you must. But tell them!
I’ve been through it more than once in my life and all it does to me; is build my wall around me and my heart higher and stronger; add more security to it; insert booby traps; electric fencing; make the vault stronger and un-penetrable; as well as place all of this underground with no sign of where to dig/enter it. You’ll have a better chance of breaking into Fort Knox, that entering my heart again or even allow someone new to enter it.
Don’t be that friend!
I get that people sometimes misunderstand each other. Either due to not expressing yourself in the way that you are feeling or that you “read” a message incorrectly and imagine the way a message was sent (usually in an utter incorrect tone than what was actually meant). And that is why it is so darn important to clarify it. Clarify it until you are both on the same page, even if you still disagree. At least you understand why or what was said.
And if you’re reading this now and it strikes a cord, then well, do something about it.
Don’t be that friend that just moves on, because in reality, you don’t really move on. You just hide it; don’t look at it and make as if it doesn’t exist. But it does, and it ain’t going nowhere. The worst of it is that it will influence your future friendships. And that’s not healthy, not for either parties nor 3rd or 4th parties…
Even if you don’t like confrontation. Even if you’re scared to “hurt” someone with words. Still, clarify it, try to mend it if both parties want to and/or move on.
Just don’t be that friend!