Dear new mommy,
This is a letter to you. I’m congratulating you on becoming a mommy and joining so many other moms around the world. The one who has gone through that pregnancy or the one who stood by someone else going through a pregnancy, however long you had to carry that nugget; the one who chose the best way, for you and baby, to bring that child into this world; the one who is ensuring baby stays fed and kept safe and secure while being smothered with love and hugs. Well done!
You should by now have noticed that things have changed either just slightly in some areas and quite severely in others. Quickly running out of the house takes a bit longer now. Choosing an outfit to wear might cause some stress as it takes a bit of time to get it looking relatively presentable. Reconnecting with your darling man, might take a little more creativeness to work around baby’s schedule and needs. But let me tell you now, eventually it does get back into routine, a new routine, but nevertheless, a routine that works for you.
Things will become easier as months go by. And quite frankly it doesn’t matter which ever way you get things done, as long as it works for you.
Here are some tips on how to feel a bit more in control of what you’re going through:
- Do what needs to be done now and leave the rest:
One would think that is obvious, but society has made us feel like we’re supposed to have it all together, all the time. Well, I call BS on that! Yes, we are strong and capable of a lot of things, sometimes more than what we give ourselves credit for. But come on, if baby wants a cuddle; leave those dishes for now. If you want that extra cup of tea and sit quietly for a few seconds before baby wants his next feed, do so. Stop looking at what other moms are able to get done all in one day. Do what you can. And don’t dare feel embarrassed or like a failure when asking for help.
- Remember there are 2 parents:
Daddy is not just there to babysit while you quickly dash out of the house. The thing I used to hate most after baby was born, was the question of “How’s Dad with the baby? Is he helping out?” No, he’s not helping out, he is doing just as much as me, apart from the feeding!! We’re in a partnership. We’re supporting each other. We take over from the other when the one needs a breather. I think some people cling on to the old phrase of “Women should cook and raise children.” Our lives have changed. Parents raise their kids – both parents.
- You still have a marriage, after baby is asleep:
Myself included, once baby is down for bed time, all I want to do is have a few minutes or hours just for myself. But I also know that a marriage won’t last if you don’t spend any time or effort on it. At first, while still getting back into a routine, start with something small; ie. do the dishes together, or fold the laundry together (it’s mainly hubby’s clothes in any way, as a new mom you’re often in the same clothes for 2 or 3 days in any way), watch a new episode or even just the first 20 minutes of a movie, while cuddling. Ask how each other’s days were. Even if you have nothing new to tell hubby of how your day was, still tell him. You need that outflow. The world is a 2-pole dimension and it is so relevant in a relationship. And if he doesn’t ask, well then tell him in any way.
Things do get easier. They do settle and fall in place or at least you handle it better. Don’t fret that it doesn’t work out at first. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. One day at a time. And ask any mom who’s kids are older, most will tell you that the days and first year really does fly by and they all miss it the most.